During our role play for using contrasting statements, I was surprised at how difficult it was for me to formulate "good" statements. It seemed that every phrase that I could think of to follow "I don't want you to think" was inflammatory or just insulting. For example "I don't want you to think that I consider you a slob...." would not be well received as a preemptive statement. My realization of my difficulty with thinking about how to use contrastive statements "on-the-fly" triggered a deep reflection about how I have communicated in the past, and what I need to change for future communications.
With my new awareness at hand, I revisited our readings in Crucial Conversations about contrasting statements. I began to better understand the results of my personal survey and how I could apply:
Commit to seek Mutual Purpose
Recognize the purpose behind the strategy
Invent a Mutual Purpose
Brainstorm new strategies
AND
Share your facts
Tell your story
Ask for others' paths
Talk tentatively
Encourage Testing
These acronyms will be great tools for what I need to think about first, plan for using my crucial conversation strategies, and decide what wording would best convey what I don't want, followed by what I do want.
Through this focus, I have experienced some better conversations (one truly successful "breakthrough" conversation with my usually-silent teenage daughter), as well as some discourse I consider tutorial for further growth and development.
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