ESSENTIAL Insight

In my reading of Lawrence-Lightfoot's the Essential conversation,  three trains of thought carried my mind to various points to ponder for future application.  

First, I was intrigued by chapter 1, "Ghosts in the Classroom" and the doorknob phenomenon.  The idea of autobiographical stories potentially affecting the subconscious reasoning of parents and teachers was particularly poignant to me as I traveled back in my own memories.  I have found it beneficial to recognize the obvious powerful moments in my own formative education that shaped my philosophies and attitudes as a parent and a teacher, but the most valuable realization was that many of our autobiographical "meta-messages remain hidden, inaudible and unarticulated. They are raw, unvarnished subtext to the ritualized, polite, public text of the conversation.  They are the unconscious, diffuse backdrop to the precise words that fill the foreground dialogue" (Lawrence-Lightfoot, 2003, p.5).  I will need to be watchful for when something "pops" out of my subconscious or for when a parent may act or react in an unexpected way. "If teachers are to learn to respond to the ghosts that parents bring to the classroom, they too have to learn to recognize the autobiographical and ancestral roots that run through their own school lives" (p.7).  Further, the larger cultural and historical legacies are running background influences of how parent-teacher encounters are shaped.  The warning that "there is a tricky balance here between foreground and background....a perilous equilibrium that must be struck between the ghosts of the past and the realities of the present, between adult retrospectives and child perspectives"(p.40) is imperative for teachers to heed and to examine in regards to their own process of dialogue.

After the weightiness of the "ghosts" warning, the second chapter's suggestions and advice for offsetting the "natural enemies" status of parents and teachers were refreshing.  I really appreciated the examples of teachers who were able to help  parents of their students feel comfortable and yet have boundaries that created a space for open parent-teacher dialogue.  I recognized many of the strategies from Crucial Conversations being used in the parent-teacher conference scenarios described.  Great care was taken by the teachers in the scenarios to start with heart and speak difficult truths to parents using tentative methods to soften the impact and to show care for parents and students.  When a line was crossed, the teacher reflected upon what happened in order to better understand how to communicate more effectively in the future with the parent in question. 

The third ponder-able destination was in chapter 3, "Truths the Hand Can Touch." The examples of evidences collected by teachers in the form of specific-to-the-child's-nature anecdotes, tangible pieces of work as well as students' self-evaluations (which, in one teacher's class, were delivered to the parent by the child himself at a conference) were convincing and effective proofs to convey that the teachers were "in touch" with their students.  
This chapter closed  with three skills that allow good "evidence" to be collected for better communication and trust between parents and teachers.

• Art of Observation--become a student of human behavior, body language, and nonverbal cues.
• Record Keeping Skills and Documentation--daily note taking and journal writing
• Learn to Listen--really hear-- the voices and perspectives of the parents.